Mass Effect 3: Gettin’ Trolled for Hatin’ the Ending

Weird how Bioware's own words kind cripple the product they churned out...

Look, I should level with you folks, this has been happening for awhile now and I should really address it before it becomes any more… exotic. Tekyu in a Jar gets trolled because I don’t care for the ending to Mass Effect 3 because it fucking ruins the following: the entire franchise, my former respect for Bioware and any shred of happiness in my soul making me want to dive under a bus because the ending was THAT bad.

Be warned, Spoilers Ahead!

I don’t usually feed trolls, but this jackass seemed like a good enough example to address in a response to a prior post:

Banshee Barrier
Submitted on 2012/04/25 at 8:45 AM

I guess a lot of the whiners out there haven’t played Mass Effect 1 recently. Dead Saren is brought back for the final boss fight by Sovereign using some kind of red energy which is never properly explained. Aha! Space MAGIC!!!

… and choices 1,2,3 do not yield the same ending, they just yield the same rushed sequence of pretty similar cutscenes which don’t explain anything at the end. My problem with ME 3′s ending is not so much the choices as it is the lacklustre presentation. Hopefully the extended cut DLC will rectify this problem. Those who want a brand new ending with no Crucible or Catalyst are an unpleasable bunch anyway so to Hell with all of you.

Like the Chickenshit he/she happens to be, they didn’t use a name or site and assumed an adorable alias mirroring the lauded Marauder Shields enemy that tried to save us from the ending. Cute.

Let’s slap around a troll post after the cut…

Maybe Banshee needs to replay Mass Effect, or yank their head out from their hinder. I played ME1 quite a bit and it’s not the same “Space Magic” as in ME3′s shitbox of an ending. Saren is reanimated with horrific implants that control him even after death, just like Husks and even Harbinger’s directly controlled collectors in ME2. Saren even mentions what Sovereign did to him, so it’s not exactly a huge surprise since it was both EXPLAINED before its occurrence and backed up by the sequel.

I gotta be honest, since you don’t even understand important points in the first game I’m wondering if you even played ME3. You sound like a troll that just fumbled through a Youtube video or two.

If you saw the other endings you’d see this distinct pattern: Shepard dies making the “choice”, the Mass Relays are destroyed, then the Normandy crashes. That’s the same ending for all three “choices” no matter how you want to look at it. Before any other genius tries telling me otherwise; Bioware recycled the ending animation for each ending with the primary distinction being differnt colored explosions and if you’re trying to tell me otherwise then you’re lying to yourself. Sure, one has destroyed Reapers, but pretty much everything else is THE SAME FUCKING ENDING!

Need proof? Use your beady little eyes!


(Same goddamn ending. Your choices never mattered and nothing you do has any effect on the conclusion of the series.)

If you’re truly satisfied with Bioware’s half-assed shortcuts like the Catalyst and basically everything following the reaper blast then you clearly missed out on the key themes of what made Mass Effect the greatest game series ever: Variety and User Agency, making use of player choice to guide the story at its most important points carving a tale unique to the user. Robbing the player of the ultimate decision and ripping off Deus Ex to meet a deadline with stuff pulled from someone’s asshole during a crunch is no excuse for ruining the most important part of the series. Taking out your input and rewarding hundreds of thousands of different play styles and important choices with the exact same consequence is bullshit.

Where are the wildly different endings we were promised?

Why did variety in choices and their consequences only matter in the previous games?

Why does the copy-pasted ending have to suck so bad that it literally breaks the fucking game to the point that I can’t play it anymore?

Why doesn’t Bioware care what I think since I’ve been a loyal customer all this time? Is preserving a broken, plothole-filled ending that ruins everything really worth losing my support for any future projects? Why is ME3 only “art” when it comes to defending the shitty ending, but it’s suddenly just a product again with the DLC being produced for later release?

But for purposes of clarification for you and your ilk, I didn’t ask for fluffy bunnies or rainbows, it would have been nice to have at least ONE fucking happy ending with a surviving Shepard (not a gasping torso) with an ending reflecting on the choices made, lovers romanced and allies forged. Keep in mind that, until ME3, choices on the player’s terms defined the series unique allure and to dump that all at the last minute shows a desperate ploy to milk DLC in this extremely important game or just shitty, sloppy incompetence on behalf of the developer, which I doubt seeing as their reputation doesn’t reflect such whimsically random action. They fucked up A LOT and they have a lot of people unhappy about it and calling them on it, which they should when they buy something that blows up in their faces like this. If people didn’t complain, they’d truly be idiots suffering in silence and Bioware would just go on making shitty decisions. That’s how ACTUAL criticisms lead to change, even if Bioware cries foul because they’re unsure how to answer loyal customers calling them out on their mistake.

I’m not trolling Bioware’s forums or lobbing molotov coktails at their office, I’m voicing my rational and perfectly justified opinion for a product as a paying customer. I’m upset because I put more time into THIS series than any other games in my life and Bioware’s awful ending just tosses all of that in the trash. My choices mean nothing and my twenty or so game saves I had lined up are worthless.

FUCKING WORTHLESS. Nothing we ever accomplished in the games matter and it’s basically an ode to nihilism that beckons to suicide.

When Bioware fails you in a world where DLC exists to save/repair a game, direct intervention is necessary on behalf of the fans and we told Bioware what we wanted. It’s our duty as unhappy consumers to remind them of their place and even went to far as to build a bridge giving them a perfectly creative way out. It’s up to them if they still want our money for future titles because they aren’t going to get my dollars if all I get for supporting them is shit that strings me along for years and then self destructs.

Bioware made characters I care about enough to fight for. They are victims of their own success in a sense, but they need to rethink their position if they want to keep fans coming.

I respect that some folks may not care about ME3′s ending and that their attachment to the games just isn’t that strong, so they don’t notice the plotholes it is riddled with or even the basic elements ME3′s ending flushes down the toilet. Those folks worry we’re just whiners and our dissatisfaction is unimportant internet bitching. In ignorant denial, these same people happily dismiss the SHEER AMOUNT of people unhappy with ME3 and if folks like Banshee could pull their heads from their asses they might see precisely why this whole ending bothers us. It’s more important than that and despite their slings and arrows, we push on for their sake as well to win the greatest game ever made the variety of endings it deserves.

Including a “happy” ending, because WHY THE FUCK NOT INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE?! Does Mass Effect not deserve a good ending?

It kills me because I’m tired of fighting Mass Effect fans on the fence, Bioware loyalists, Bioware themselves and a terrified Game Industry that fears the potential responsibility of releasing a complete goddamn product on the day of release that meshes with what their consumer base desires.

So why the fuck NOT make your customers happy the first time? I’d have PAID for an ending that made use of the Indoctrination Theory and gave closure for all the open story elements. I’d also snap up all the DLC too because I’d be happier with the product. Is slitting my wrists part of Bioware’s art defense too since they would rather be completel assholes dooming fictional galactic civilizations than appeasing real-world consumers that can’t trust them anymore?

Even if folks like Banshee won’t ask for a better product, I’ll push that much harder on their behalf because no one should be robbed of the opportunity for their story to end with different endings that are GENUINELY different and even to hope for something better.

Bioware pulled its dick move by refusing to change the ending in any by and promising to “extend” the ending we all fucking hate, but we’ll see what their bullshit backtalk really means whenever the new ending is revealed this summer. Until then, I’m gonna keep holding the line no matter how often I’m trolled, harassed or annoyed by folks like Banshee. As I said, I’ll fight for them too.

Hold the line.

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