Mass Effect 3: Resurgence DLC released today!

This is precisely how I felt opening Bioware's DLC gift. Like a girl in a bikini being set upon by some tiny, horrific monster. EXACTLY how I felt.

So hey guys…

Mass Effect 3 has some new DLC today! Did summer get here sooner than planned? Nah, the “apology/suck it” DLC is still slated with a vague summer release to allow time for Star Wars-ish text crawling to explain what actually happened in the ending that earned ME3′s publisher the award for MOST EVIL COMPANY IN AMERICA.

This is completely different DLC. In fact, it is exclusively multiplayer DLC. Exclusively.

It includes the following:

The Resurgence Multiplayer Expansion brings a grudge to the fight! It provides two new maps to reconquer: Firebase Condor’s moon base and Firebase Hydra’s hydroelectric dam. It also enables reinforcement packs that offer six new classes from species that have lost lives or whole planets to the Reapers: the Batarian Sentinel, Batarian Soldier, Geth Hunter, Geth Engineer, Krogan Battlemaster, and Asari Justicar. The packs’ new weapons are the Geth Plasma SMG, Striker Assault Rifle, and Kishock Harpoon Gun. Also, four new equipment items enhance weapon stability, melee damage, headshot damage, and shield regeneration.

Thrilling stuff, right?

Let’s talk more about this… after the cut!

Playable Batarians and Geth? An Asari Justicar? A Krogan Warlord?! Sweet!!! Sadly, not a Quarian pole-dancer in sight, but I’m sure that’s bound to pop up in later DLC packs.

I mean… A guy can dream… right?

You WORK that suit, Tali! Woooo!

I know it’s not fixing the single player game, but I’m not lobbing molotov cocktails into the streets. See? I can control myself! Fuck meds!!!! Where’s those empty bottles I was saving?!

Oh, right. Um…

I’m compelled to calm myself since the guys working the multiplayer portion are technically part of a different team than the guys ruining the franchise in the single player campaign. My good friend ‏@virusq reminded me of where to push the blame in Bioware and not to discourage things that show them paying attention to things we want, even if it is too late and too little. Each one of these new additions is VERY appreciated and totally awesome… uh, provided I don’t have to fucking buy them in that idiotic trading card feature.

Note that I haven’t tried it out yet since other games demand my attention first (Saint’s Row 3, RE: Operation Raccoon City).

I’m not saying put down your torches and pitchforks! PICK THAT SHIT BACK UP NOW! Don’t let Bioware relax until they right their wrongs and properly address the woes of their massively wounded customer base.

It’s okay to be mad that this DLC isn’t the ending fix we all want, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something that both cool AND free (to each paid/redeemed Online Pass) that injects a little extra joy into multiplayer. Even if most of those multiplayer sessions are ironic catharsis where we as a group lay waste to the evils of the Galaxy while passionately discussing the idiocy/evils of Bioware. But that’s still okay! The multiplayer stuff is decent enough to merit replay value for folks who had any measure of fun with it before…

Just remember that the Galactic readiness does not change the shitty ending, nor does anything else. Also, promoting multiplayer characters does little besides resetting character names and stats; so aside from the achievement/trophy there’s not a great deal of effect by promoting your high level characters into Shepard’s war assets. Sure, there’s the “last gasp” snippet for the red renegade ending, but that’s as helpful as all the other broken elements in the ending so it has no discernible value until WE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

So yeah. The ending is still complete and utter shit, but hey there’s some cool new things to play with in multiplayer and we get to see Batarians and Geth as allies and even PLAY as them! It’s also free! So if you didn’t trade your copy in while frothing with justifiable rage, give it a shot.

But don’t let up on Bioware or Electronic Arts, Hold the Line.

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