Resident Evil 5: Redemption – It’s officially a thing

(Uh, yeah. That sums it up pretty well, actually.)

It’s coming.

Like that feeling of imminent fecal urgency in a fancy restaurant with an occupied restroom, Resident Evil 5 is on it’s way down the chute. Paul W.S. Anderson is penning the on-screen appearances of “movieversere” Barry, Leon and potentially Jill. Or at least her original actress that we saw in the second movie.

Yeah, speaking of fecal urgency…

The films to date have been interesting. If by “interesting”, you mean shallow, wholly inaccurate bastardizations of a popular videogame franchise, which itself was a spoof/bastardization of the popular cinematic splendor of zombie massacre and went so far as to involve actual horror movie talent and even filmed live action cinemas to nudge the story along. There’s irony here that’s truly difficult to appreciate with significant meditation on the game itself and the action schlock films.

In a sense, I was happy they at least had the Umbrella, Inc. logo and zombies in the same movie. Even if the films were stupid, they were flashy-stupid. Stuff explodes, zombies are themselves totally massacred and weird shit happens. By the third film they KILLED THE PLANET and yet here’s a fifth one swirling in the pipes and each one seems more brain-damaged than the last so far.

Hell, in the last one they made an extra effort (by comparison to previous films) to acknowledge that there was a game by including a couple of elements from Resident Evil 5, but there were only a couple of nods and they were each brief visual asides thrown in to use up the special effects budget. As an attempt to placate the fans of the games. Sort of. I guess.

I can’t bring myself to hate the first two films. Especially with the audio commentary, these guys are hilarious. Or delirious. It’s difficult to tell. The actress who played Jill Valentine was hilarious in her completely separate voice-over track because she’s so serious about being Jill Valentine and it’s so sad that it’s funny.

The third lost my little affection for the films and the fourth was a fart in the wind. I can barely contain myself with all empty thrills that a fifth entry might contain. I’m not saying that Resident Evil is the bard’s work (pretty far from it, but at least it HAS a story), but I’m sad that it keeps making its production costs back when the movies are shite anyway.

But whatever. The wife loves this for Jovovich kicking and stabbing things to death and occasionally zombies, but we’ll see how painful this bowel movement is for the industry to squeeze out in case they decide to make a sixth one.

Meh news distributed by Joystiq

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