Transformers 3: Butthole Bay’s Base burgled by bandits?!


(Possibly better than TF2? You decide!)

Per Michael Bay’s stupid website we have learned that Federal Authorities have been called in to assist in the terribly important recovery of… stuff.

Given how often Michael Bay lies, I’m genuinely curious as to whether or not this “theft” is real. As the most potent douchebag in Hollywood today, Bay’s frequently fictitious weirdness is legendary although even for him this is a bit of a stretch. A bit.

Why call him a liar? Well, aside from loathing the man after years over watching him bury the franchise I grew up on in his car-porn spunk he made a point of talking as much shit as possible about people who disagreed with his fuck ups bastardizations of already existing characters.

Flamejob anyone? Anyhoo, I bring this up because Bay lies to the core fanbase mercilessly or at least that’s been the habit before each film came out thus far. He thinks he’s being clever and reducing spoilers, but that implies that there’s something to spoil in the first place. His falsehoods are so vast and shameless that I don’t want to look at them again, so just poke around and you’ll find plenty of ammo in that particular vein of fun.

Keepin' it real, REAL DUMB.

Most recently Bay had made a point of denying the inclusion of the inbred/retard car twins in the cast of TF3 in direct opposition to the glaring fact that updated versions of their vehicles modes were photographed on set, figures of the reviled Skids and Mudflap characters were seen at Toy Fair 2011 (with paint jobs matching their real-life counterparts photographed on set) and finally that the voice actor who portrayed Skids was spotted and grilled in a motherfucking recording studio with Bay in the midst of a recording session. Uh, sorry Mikey I think we’ve got good reason to doubt you give your frequent abuse of trust and faith making for the spotty track record that I hope will haunt you long after you’ve tried to ruin Transformers.

Do I seem petty kicking a man when he’s down? Probably. Will anyone, particularly Bay, give two shits? Nah. He’s still too busy counting all the money he made from that last HORRIFIC Transformers film to be bothered. Not that I condone the “theft” of the undisclosed materials that may or may not have been a Baconator that Bay had only half-finished.

I just find myself sort of saddened that a fuckwit like Bay can round up federal authorities like he’s Tommy Lee Jones kicking over outhouses, clubhouses, doghouses, etc. for something that may be an early cut of the TF3 film. I can only assume that’s it since they’re unwilling to share what happened and they’re trying to track the thieves before they pop it online like the Wolverine: Origins debacle a few years back. For what it’s worth, I hope they’re caught before they reveal a shitty movie for what it is without the special effects to save it, much like Wolvie: Origins, but it still bugs me a bit that actual humans can go missing without the same gusto and drive behind it that a doofy film director’s Baconator commands when the neighborhood kids break in.

But maybe that’s just me.

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