Sony: Do it and we’ll give you SUCH a spanking!

PIRATES! EVERYWHERE!!! YARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Oh looks everyone… it’s Sony. Hi Sony! What’s new?

What is it, Sony? Is someone trapped in the well?! Oh… There’s more “Tester” episodes on PlayStation Network? Lovely.

And pirates?!? WHERE?! Oh my! They’re actually CHEATING pirates! I guess they must be hiding after… THE CUT!


A gaming reality TV show exclusive to Sony’s PlayStation Network?! Oh joy!! Oh wait… no. NO!!! Kill it with fire!!!

What’s that? There’s MORE?

Oh! AND they’re hypothetically wagging their fingers at ANYONE who thinks they can manipulate a device that belongs to them. Their first salvo against modded PS3 systems? Being blocked from PlayStation Network.

Uh… Hate to spoil this for ya kids, but the Playstation Network doesn’t have shit that anyone would worry about losing. It should. It totally should. But it doesn’t. And that’s Sony’s fault, so saying they won’t have access to it doesn’t ring with the same dread and sorrow that comes from being yanked off Xbox live… which is like having your dialysis connection ripped out.

Granted there’s some bogeymen lingering down the pipes per Sony wherein they are probably planning to place their already overpaid attorneys into jetpacks so they can litigate on the go, raining subpoenas and cease & desist notices across the land because… that’s much better than quitting while you’re ahead and working WITH the people who cracked your door open to make the PS3 a better console. It’s not hard and they’ve already done all the hardest work for free and did the favor of publishing it for mass consumption.

Here’s the Official Post from Sony’s US Blog:

Notice: Unauthorized circumvention devices for the PlayStation 3 system have been recently released by hackers. These devices permit the use of unauthorized or pirated software. Use of such devices or software violates the terms of the “System Software License Agreement for the PlayStation 3 System” and the “Terms of Services and User Agreement” for the PlayStation Network/Qriocity and its Community Code of Conduct provisions. Violation of the System Software Licence Agreement for the PlayStation 3 System invalidates the consumer guarantee for that system. In addition, copying or playing pirated software is a violation of International Copyright Laws. Consumers using circumvention devices or running unauthorized or pirated software will have access to the PlayStation Network and access to Qriocity services through PlayStation 3 system terminated permanently.

To avoid this, consumers must immediately cease use and remove all circumvention devices and delete all unauthorized or pirated software from their PlayStation 3 systems.

So that’s it. They’re making pre-emptive threats against anyone who dares to modify that which they pay for. Most modders will be busily not giving a shit and disabling any connection to PSN. Seriously, they’ll have made a device that can do damn near anything and by then it will have EVOLVED past Sony’s puny network limitations. I sure as shit wouldn’t mind an evolved PS3 with homebrew gaming and a custom interface at the cost of Sony’s flimsy network connection.

FYI Sony before you send a rocket-lawyer my way, that doesn’t mean I’m hacking my system right now. Or ever. Last time I tried to save money after my PS2 went on the fritz and I tweaked some stuff and it worked. Sorta. I ended up playing Kingdom Hearts for about an hour and then the thing fried itself with its own laser or something. So yeah, I’m just going to sit back and harp on Sony’s inability to control or manage their own hardware market with any effectiveness when they consistently misinterpret making lemons from lemonade and just blindly lash out at people they can’t find like big menacing corporate retards.

It’s pathetic really. All Sony harps on is the pirating and accuses them of cheating to incite a mob of gullible assclowns, effectively shooting down all the potential good that comes from custom PS3 software and a homebrew gaming market. It saddens me that they attack instead of absorb talent that could have redirected the entirety of their hardware. If successful hacking is good enough to recruit people into the NSA, then why NOT recruit them into Sony?! Jesus, I hope you Sony exclusive owners aren’t hoping for an Indie market anytime soon because downloading a demo will probably get you sued.

What SCARES me is reading all the crazy ass little Sony fanboys below the post lining up to kiss the ring as they ramble about the horrific effects on online play. WHAT online play?!? MAG?! HAZE?!? Sony is not notorious for the quality of their online play in the least, leaving the advantage in Microsoft’s court almost exclusively for console and PC markets. The reason they’re all riled up is because Sony made sure to paint the key wielders as CHEATERS. When they accuse them of cheating, their cute little fanboy brains overheat and they’re only open to OFFICIAL SONY GURGLINGS on the topic from that point on. The thought of utilizing the entirety of what the PS3 has available never crosses their minds and they’re happy with a crippled Console of the Gods (only available in puny mortal edition).

Maybe I care too much because these kids are happily accepting Sony’s bullshit “We’re stomping out pirate cheaters” line, but that’s not what those guys did. IT’S NOT! They documented their activity and put it up for people to see! They didn’t steal, they didn’t pirate and they didn’t make a single dime off of their wholly personal efforts to make the PS3 into the most versatile device in the freaking universe. And these guys want to watch GeoHotz SUFFER? For that? JUST that?

This feels creepy, like realizing you’re the only non-cult member left in the town because their butchering the other one in ritual sacrifice to their winged goat god. Granted, I’m sure the spicier, grittier commentary is swept clean from their blog, but the pro-sony fanboys creep the shit out of me given that Sony’s actions overstep the boundaries of good taste and common business sense, which in turn makes more effective and driven hackers who thrive on spite and challenge.

I mean, how BAD are you at what you do when you make Microsoft look rational and classy?

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