PSP Phone: Bwuh?! Is advertising supposed to be stupid? Or that just Sony?

(Video for the Playstation Sony Ericcson Android phone. Hide ya ‘bots! Hide ya ‘droids! And hide ya cyborgs cuz they mutilatin’ e’rbody out here!)

Fuck guys… Subtlety is still too much for you sick fucks to grasp?!?! Why not tell us what’s so exclusive to it?! Why not explain some features? I mean, last time some assholes wanted to share a gaming-themed phone we got the Nokia N-GAGE and we all remember how well the taco-eared, impractical device did. There’s bridge to rebuild in order to connect with the market you’re trying to entice and they probably already have iPhones and Droids, but because of this perverse shit you’re expecting them to come rushing in?

We STILL remember the talking squirrels and the dust clumps! W-why the hell can’t you advertise ANYTHING game related anymore without trying to shock people into purchases??? Are your products ALWAYS going to be half-assed and second rate compared to the rest of the market or are you really just that incompetent when it comes to advertising?

Clearly you need another goddamn example of what a commercial is supposed to look like:

(Teaser for Gears of War)

THIS is an ad for a GAME. It says everything you need to fucking know without talking rodents or anthropomorphic devices that will bring down the wrath of organizations like NAACP. It encapsulates the entire feel of the game without having anyone needing to speak. It’s genius. Whether or not you like Gears is immaterial, it’s laid out before your eyes that humanity is making its last stand against a subterranean horror that it is ill-prepared to combat. It’s artistically brilliant, it’s succinct in what it conveys and it’s honest in what you can expect. It probably cost Epic and Microsoft some money to make, too bad they’ll have to comfort their woes upon a thick bed of MORE money than they spent. Oh and the profits from the sequels.

Granted, this is a device and Sony’s widget is not a game and I’m well aware of the difference. So then tell me this: Do you come away knowing any more about the device besides that it has buttons and that you’ll probably seek out a less disturbing phone? I can’t think of anything to tempt me away from my iPhone and yet I can’t WAIT to drop AT&T for another phone (or at least a newer, better iPhone than my old one).

Sure, their “scandalous” commercials scare up some buzz (so does the Bed Intruder Song), but why is respect for your core marketing demographic and the act of yielding even basic information on a product so hard to relay for this bunch of fucktards?

AT&T (worst phone company EVER) has more effective advertising in that they bother touting features for devices other than that the phone can play games, which isn’t a poor feature it’s just the ONLY feature the PSP phone has beyond Android functionality which you can buy NOW for plenty of other phones. What games am I, as a filthy gaming heathen, going to want that ONLY this phone can offer? I mean, I buy devices from Sony lately EXCLUSIVELY designed with gaming in mind and yet they can’t deliver half of what I want as an informed consumer. That costs them more of my money every day and even I think that’s a damn shame.

(Sony could learn something from watching Youtube. Seriously.)

I mean… this is company whose only reliable product is a system over 10 years old that still sells strong to this day that all their marketing and all their BS with current generation systems cannot kill. Thanks to Kotaku we have some delightful graphs and a terrifying set of numbers that should have Sony shitting themselves inside out and reevaluating how they do SOMETHING. Kevin Butler can’t save them from themselves no matter how many commercials they put him in nor however many E3 presentations they have him waiting in the wings to come save.

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2 Responses to PSP Phone: Bwuh?! Is advertising supposed to be stupid? Or that just Sony?

  1. Daison says:

    We will find that when the PS9 is released that Sony is still selling more PS2’s.

  2. Tekyu says:

    That’s the price you pay for making a console that rules a market so effectively that it has almost complete control of the third party market.. Still makes you wonder why the hell Sony is so ass-backwards about making the PS3 work with PS2 titles considering just how fucking essential the backwards compatibility was for the previous system and yet makes an earnest effort to include the PSone software library as downloads and playable games.

    Just boggles the mind.

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