Mega Man 2: It’s Japanese?!?

Hot on the heels of me freaking out about the Playstation Store’s lack of PSone presence comes a short rambling about me being an idiot with regard to my impulse purchases.

Grab a snack, this’ll be fun.

I often read the PS Store updates on the net that list the new products and chuckle a bit because I’m still looking at the paltry 121 PSone games currently available on the store and shaking with wrathful anger and hate.

I should not have looked today because I bought something. I bought the Japanese import of Megaman 2. Sorry, “Rockman 2″.

It’s part of a small series of overpriced re-releases of the original 8-bit Nintendo games on the PlayStation that the Japanese put out to celebrate Megaman’s anniversary after the release of Megaman 8. I remembered reading about this and longing in all my creepy weaboo desire to play it just thinking about how all its awesome japaneseyness would make it SO much better than our hateful American version.

Then I grew up.


Shut up.

(Okkusenman! w/ English subtitles – Some heathen in the land of the sacred tentacle assumed he would gain fame by putting words to the iconic Mega Man 2 theme used at the first stage of Dr. WIly’s infamous Skull Castle. He was right. Makes me almost wish I hadn’t stopped drinking…)

Anyway, so I leapt onto my PS3 to download this completely dismissing the fact that while I did learn to SPEAK and UNDERSTAND Japanese at one point I never learned to read asian characters of any sort. Not that I remember much of that anymore, I remember more German than Japanese. I collect Axis languages. It was overall a bad idea to buy it anyway because the game is SOAKED in Japanese language, but here’s what I’ve learned:

1. It’s the original Mega Man 2. The menu displaying the Robot Masters in all their glory is in engrish and remains as the “original recipe” version of the game people in the USA would be familiar with, but it’s apparently set permanently in the “Hard” mode option.

2. It features an enhanced version identical to what was featured as part of the Mega Man anthology from a few years back. Except the entirety of the text is in Japanese characters.

3. There’s a bunch of weird stuff asking for a memory card or telling me that it can see a memory card. I have NO idea what it’s trying to tell me, but it’s there and it has something to do with a memory card. I feel like it’s ogling me. It wants me for my body.

4. There’s a gallery that appears to unlock stuff with “battle points” you earn progressing through the game. I think. Or something. Oh Jesus. I don’t know!!! There’s pictures and stuff and a teleporter-looking thing and then that perverse memory card thing shows up again.

5. I’m a complete moron who can be led to a gruesome death by a man in blue tights with a gun for a hand, he wouldn’t even have to offer me candy to lure me into his van that happens to be down by the river.

So there ya go. I’m $6 poorer and Sony chuckles in the darkness that I’m such a hilariously manipulable sucker. Thank Christ they don’t have the wisdom to import the amazingly shitty Japanese Transformers games.

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